Proof that Scripts overcome good animation
Not an entirely original idea, but then again what is these days? Very cool concept, and I love the length of the episodes.
I have been thinking of a cool idea though.
What if you filmed the parts where rob and mike talk, and animate when theyre in D&D? Would be a cool thing if you have access to the resources.
Because I do the voices of Mike and Rob and it wouldn't look to swell if I also played the real life roles of Mike and Rob as well. Also video is cheesy and easy to do.
It needs something
You definetely know how to play guitar and animate. No doubt there. But the storyline is cliche, and not exciting.
Suggestions
Record a song with an entire band, the solo acoustic guitar didn't fit. For this cartoon, a slight synthesized keyboard melody would be better, watch superhero cartoons you'll see what I mean.
Please, create more interesting characters. Why is he called Death Man? There is no distinction between charatcers.
The villian had a bad childhood. You could have used that to make him a very interesting character, but instead made him the flat, boring, stereotypical villian.
The man is smart enough to create a superdrill but confuses it with swamp gas? Please.
Why is the man with the knife helping Dr. Vlatelence? Why can't he talk?
What am I saying, ultimately? The script needed work. A lot of it. Every single cartoon needs to have good animation, background animation, and script. The second two elements are lacking.
To make a really good cartoon? Research cartoons, see why they're good. Especially Adult Swim on Cartoon Network, Spongebob, Family Guy, and others. They have strong scripts, which has contributed to their success. Look at some anime too, why are so few popular while they are hundreds of series? Look at a few plays and other movies and tv shows too, understand why are interesting to watch.
You have potential, friend.
Any recommendations as far as super hero cartoons go? I don't watch much television. I used to watch "Batman the Animated Series" a long time ago. If memory serves, they had a soundtrack that was made with an orchestra... Maybe they used the movie soundtrack or something.
I'm not so sure it's appropriate to start explaining stuff that I didn't make obvious in the cartoon, because the cartoon is supposed to stand alone by itself without a defender, but I guess I assumed he paid someone to design it, and he was only assembling it. But it is a good point, why wouldn't the audience assume that it was his own design? I never really said how he knew the gas was there. I guess he would've had to use some sort of sound wave emitter that dinosaur hunters use to see what's in the ground. I don't know how you'd tell the difference between one gas or another if it's underground. Swamp gas is often toxic. I guess it was just a bad assumption on his part.
Background animation? Do you mean background music?
I hate making excuses, but this series was sort of stripped down and mangled. It was supposed to be part of a larger series, and I was working with another person. We sort of had an argument, because he didn't want me to put my name in the cartoon. I got very suspicious about this, because, growing up as an artist, people would ask me to draw things for them. When I was finished, they'd erase my name, write their own name, effectively stealing my work. So there was no way I was going to take my name off of the cartoon. The reasons he gave for not putting my name on it were all pretty weak, yet for some reason he insisted on it. I didn't really trust him after that. Then he wanted me to give him writing credit for the entire Dr. Vlatulenz episodes because he'd made a couple of suggestions that were irrelevant to the story. I ended up telling him that I thought we should go our separate ways, and that I wouldn't use his characters, and that I didn't want him to use mine in the stories he wrote or at all. Anyway, I had to completely rearrange the story without his characters, and I also cut out the suggestions he made, because I didn't want to take any chances... That's why those other two civilians are following them around the whole time.
But yeah... You're right. It does need a lot a characterization. That episode was supposed to be something like the fourth in the entire series, and there was supposed to be more episodes with characterization. I guess I was working under the notion that I'd characterize them in the earlier episodes. I just ended up doing the forth episode first, and I rushed it out, because I was afraid that my characters would be stolen.
My brother is actually writing me a script for the origin of Death Man. What I should've explained, at some point, is that he is the weapons/combat expert of the Mighty Trio, and the other two are scientists. The cheesy names are due to the fact that I created those guys when I was like 13. I've often thought of changing Happy Man's name and symbol. That happy face symbol might be borderline copyright infringement. The name "Happy Man" is kind of... Dumb...
Why...
Funny, Sirschnoopy is your 6th favorite artist. I don't know about you, but I don't diss people I like.
If you read the reviews for his Christmas episode, you'll understand. I respect and love his work, just not his personality. Or at least I didn't respect it when he was snapping at me. He actually reviewed this cartoon and gave it a 10, so he can't be that bad. Or maybe the situation just forced him to be a good sport... Don't really know much about him, really...
Amazing
You have a talent, sir.
Has potential.
Few things to make it better. One, every time someone says a line, theres a short 2 second pause before the next line is spoken. Two, most of the characters sound the same, and are kind of nonchalant, which makes the jokes lame and boring. In actuality, they are kind of funny, but you didn't deliver it well. Im assuming you voice act all of the characters ; try getting different people for the different characters. The animation? It fit the cartoon, so thats a plus.
One sentence synonpsis, More energy! Accomplished with varied voice actors to fit the distinctly varied characters, and quicker timing.
P.S. You had the idea of having a duck in the cartoon, which can strike as odd since he bears no relationship to the other characters. Use it to your advantage, make it a lovable character. (Snoopy was the best character in Peanuts, yet he never said a word!)
In almost every Duck Luck people have told me I should get voice actors. The way I see it, me doing all the voices is almost a gimmick; kinda like how Mike Myers did all the acting in Austin Powers. I'd rather stay with this path, and try to improve, instead of choosing a different path.
And your post script, that is an excellent idea! This cartoon was more Freddy/Neighbour oriented, Duck didn't really have any good lines (cept the last one). I think that is an excellent idea an I'll definitely shoot for it next time! :D
WOO!
Awesome, dude! This came out superb! Excellent work, man! Tell me when you start doing part 6 man!
Hell yeah. Script coming to you soon.
Pretty good....
But it could be better, easily. Voice actors, trust me, much more intresting than reading text. The music needs to be more high tense. You forgot little details, such as the horrificly ugly text, and ugly life bar. Also, that shadow guy, when he moves, it looks bad, instead try a shape tween. Also, the intro was boring. Remember, the intro has to be 2nd best part of any action movie (and the end the best)
However, these are just nitpicks, so its pretty good, worthy of an 8.
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